guess what else everyone on my xmas list is getting?

all is fairly well with us right now, andie has been sick for the past few days and we're trying to lay low for a bit. today was pretty good, although at one point she asked for macaroni and cheese and kept asking me when we were going to put the eggs in. try as i might to persuade her that eggs are not part of the recipe (well, not mine anyway), she just wouldn't have it. she kept insisting she wanted to help me put eggs in. very much like trying to convince her that i don't know the names of every single person 1)in magazines and books, 2)on TV, 3) walking by in the grocery store. she is still always asking me "what's her name? who's that?" recently a book about children getting ready for bed seemed quite silly when i ran through some names randomly...

"mommy, who's that?"
"um, that's george."
"and who's that?"
"jerry."
"who's that girl?"
"that's elaine."
"who's that with elaine in the bathtub?"
"that would be kramer."

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so, though she was sick today, after picking kieran up from school andie and i took advantage of getting out of our pajamas and out of the house for the first time all day and we all went to the store. while it isn't as exciting as my buddy dori's new toy, i spotted these:


i never had sea monkeys as a kid so i was excited to get these and soon the kids were pretty pumped. unfortunately, it's not that exciting on day 1. today all we could do is fill the aquarium and add a water purifier, but tomorrow we add the monkeys!

one of the coolest things was reading some of the literature that came with them. i seriously can't tell if this stuff is for real or not but there are some crazy things you can order for your new "pets"! i'm going to take actual excerpts from the order form:

Aqua Leash
"Here is a MUCH NEEDED tool to SAFELY handle Sea-Monkeys! Over 8 1/2" long, it's a Sea-Monkey "picker upper" that works by suction and cannot injure even the biggest Sea-Monkeys that you can grow. BEST OF ALL, when not used to catch a little rascal to move him to another tank or for other reasons, it DOUBLES as a "vacuum cleaner" to suction up the "yuck" that settles at the bottom. Easy to operate and SO USEFUL, you'll thank the day you got it.

wow. this was the first thing i read when i skimmed the sheet--i had no idea you could get a leash for your sea monkeys! just suck those babies up! it sounds like a fun party game. but wait--there's more!

Gro-KWIKLY Sea Monkey Growth Stimulator
"It makes those "runts" who don't want to grow up SPROUT almost OVERNIGHT! It's like sending your Sea-Monkeys to "boot-camp" to shape-up!"

no kidding, they actually have steroids for sea monkeys?

"PORT-A-PET" POCKET AQUARIUM PLAYPEN
"Take up to six of your favorite pet Sea-Monkeys out for a walk or to "show off" anytime, anywhere! A new, unique One-Of-A-Kind POCKET AQUARIUM with A MAGNIFIER that runs on a track, it follows Sea-Monkeys while they swim. An oversize plastic clip secures it to your belt or pocket. Airways in the cover give full "overtime" protection. An Aqua Leash is an IDEAL way to transfer them from their aquarium to the POCKET PLAYPEN and back.


perfect. i was wondering to myself "gosh, i love my new pets, but how can i show them off to all my friends?" but it looks like the sea monkey people have already thought that our for me. and way to promote the aqua leash along with this one-cross marketing!

"CUPID'S ARROW MATING POWDER"
For shy Sea-Monkeys afraid of "marriage", his fabulous formula will give them a quick "trip to the altar"! Once "hooked", former "bachelor" Sea-Monkeys will fill your tank with oodles of cute babies-fast!

man, i don't even know what to say about this. is it a pheromone enhancer? aphrodisiac? the equivalent of GHB? i love it, if only the real world were like the sea monkey one.

and you can order a bunch of other things for your precious new babies, everything from medicine for sick monkeys (how do you know? it says it's for emergencies when sickness strikes--for the love of pete, how on earth will we know???), banana flavored treats (well they are monkeys), a handbook (there is obviously waaaaay more to parenting sea monkeys than i thought, we may need this), t-shirts to advertise your love (i'd definitely advise wearing this while carrying them around in that pocket aquarium), a racing game (this sounds awesome! it includes a water pump, a track, a starting gate, non-toxic racing fuel, checkered flag. i'm getting this.) you can even order a diploma that certifies you as a "Sea Monkey Scientist" awarded from" The Crustacean College of Sea Monkey Knowledge". the kids have to have these. they even have a raised seal.

i read about this diploma and these goofy things and wonder about the people who actually work at the sea monkey company. can you imagine writing the copy for these products? or being the guy who opens up the little order forms people (i sure hope that most are kids) send in to get their sea monkey diplomas. and someone fills order for sea monkey leashes. so cool.

so, i can't wait to get these monkeys going! i'll let you know, maybe i can post some sea monkey race reports :)

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